RJ

What if Romeo and Juliet were jejemons?

When I asked my Comm I students to translate part of Romeo and Juliet’s balcony scene into other registers, I didn’t know I was in for some rib-ripping laughs (thanks, guys!).¬†Below are some of their works.

SHAKESPEARE’S ORIGINAL TEXT

Juliet.
Ay me!

Romeo.
She speaks.
O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o’er my head,
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-puffing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

Juliet.
O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

CORPORATE

Juliet.
Oh.

Romeo.
She is expressing herself.
I urge you to speak once more, heavenly being
On this glorious evening, I am observing your countenance and I know
that you resemble a heavenly messenger, akin to
Hermes in an elevated sense. As I am in comparison to you,
A mundane counterpart.

Juliet.
I am addressing you, Romeo, to bequeath
All your family affiliations in favor
Of our present situation. An alternate solution
To our predicament is
To surrender my family affiliations
In exchange for your favorable emotional relations.

CONYO

Juliet.
G-R-R!

Romeo.
She makes salita!
O my G! Can you like make salita-salita again? Cuz
You’re like an anghel above me tonight.
Ate girl you’re like a pakpaking messenger unto the
Mata-mata ng mga people who make titig you.

Juliet.
Romeo, Romeo, like why is your pangalan Romeo?
Make tanggi-tanggi your papa’s name.
Or, if ayaw mo, make pangako of your love to me
If you make payag, I will make takwil the Capulets.

JEJE

Juliet.
Ohz em gee!

Romeo.
Nagzalitah c bhe
Magzalitah powzh kau uletzh, ahking nagniningning na angelz, sapagkat
Ikaw powzh khazing gh4nd@ ng izang anghel na may fly fly
Ako’y izangh kanto boy lahmang powzh na nangangar@p zah
Is@ng katuladz mo powhz ahuhuhu
Ajejejeje LOLz

Juliet.
Uy bhe, bhe! San ka na powzh?
Let gowzh mo nah ang ermphatz mo para sa akhin
Or kung ayaw mo powzh ako na lang
Basta pramiz mong ako lang sapat nahhhzzz
Huweh huweh huweh huweh